Difficult ...

Difficult time ahead, must really face it, unfortunately ... I think I just keep on hope but even though I still won't give up completely, I am starting to think more about my life in the long term ... Blogs, Facebook, does anyone reads it? But most importantly should anyone read it? Why am I putting all this on here, why is there Facebook and fortunately I am not addicted to Facebook but yet the idea of it not being there at all scares me ...

So many questions, unknown ... and no excitement really as seems something beautiful in the most part will end ... life will go on and new social arrangements will be made as life must go on, and it most likely won't be as bad as I imagine, may even be excited in parts ... but yet ... I guess I am just weird ... like my youngest daughter "I have a problem" ... She told me that when her sister was sick, actually just after routine operation in the hospital ... she 'can't deal with it' ... she can't be around it, her little heart is devastated just by her sister not being completely herself ...

I look at the old house torn to the ground and it hurts me ... I think so many memories in that house, why not remodel, just because is cheaper to build a new one? How can I learn to deal with bigger issues, why can't I?

Oh well, I just actually hope nobody reads this but writing it helps a bit ...

Live goes on.